It is a common situation something that begins beautifully and nicely to end painfully.
That’s why if we look back at the story of our lives, we often remember long and full of tears phone conversations with our best friend who tries to comfort us after a break up. But why is it so difficult to overcome a separation and can we manage to overcome it as painlessly as possible?
When each and everyone begins a relationship we start with the best prospects and with the goal of happiness. But no one knows what the future holds for him or her. Infidelity by the partner, unfulfilled wishes, relationships that have grown stale are some of the possible endings of a great love. These endings leave us with many questions, disappointment and sadness.
An erotic disappointment can be one of the most painful experiences in our lives. In an erotic relationship we offer the most vulnerable and personal part of our soul and that is why we feel so much pain when things do not evolve as we wished. The conclusion which most of us reach after a separation is that our former companion has rejected us. We believe that he has rejected our personality and our entire being. But this conclusion has nothing to do with reality. The fact that the other has chosen to leave us does not have to do with us but with the other person’s personal desires and needs.
Let’s look at some possible causes that can lead to an erotic disappointment. The first and most significant is infidelity. After an infidelity, what is best for us is initially to give ourselves the time we need to process our feelings and thoughts. Then put aside our anger and calmly make the decision whether to continue the relationship or not. Before we make up our mind, however, it is necessary to think about what we really want from the relationship and above all if we can compromise with the act of being cheated.
A second case that can cause separation is to want different things from my partner. To have different goals and dreams. For instance, I may dream of a wonderful family with many children and my companion may not want any kids and aim to travel all around the world. In this case, the only solution is compromise, which is something very human and legitimate. What I need to do is to think about how important it is to me what my companion offers me and weigh up if I can endure the cost of my staying in this relationship. Under no circumstances should I feel that I «sell out» myself and my dreams in order to rescue my relationship. In this case the most prudent thing to do is to decide to leave.
A third and final case of separation that I shall mention is when the couple gets distanced and alienated. The reason is that their love has grown stale. Here we may experience feelings of loneliness, bitterness, or in the most extreme case feelings of hostility. One possible development is the couple to decide to revise the relationship and revitalize it by rejoining each other while emphasizing quality communication and doing together pleasant activities and rekindling their love. Another possible development is that a communication channel cannot be found and the negative feelings may be so intense by both sides that there is not even the intention of a continuity in the relationship. Still though disappointment remains.
In conclusion, what I want to emphasize is that in every case of erotic disappointment, we need to keep in mind that every end also means a new beginning. The end may be an opportunity for us to move forward in our lives by making changes and focusing on our positive feelings.
Ψυχολόγος ΑΠΘ – Σύμβουλος Davis® – Εξειδικευμένη στις Μαθησιακές Δυσκολίες